Friday, November 17, 2006

About This Blog

Love Is A DecisionDr. James Dobson wrote the following in his book Love Must Be Tough:

Only those who have been rejected by a beloved spouse or lover can fully comprehend the tidal wave of sorrow that crashes into one’s life when a loss is threatened. Nothing else matters. There are no consoling thoughts. The future is without interest or hope. Emotions swing wildly from despair to acceptance and back again. If one word must be selected to describe the entire experience, it would be something equivalent to panic.

[paragraph omitted]

In the absence of that guidance [christian counseling], a rejected man or woman often reacts in ways that make matters worse. Just as a drowning person exhausts himself in a desperate attempt to grasp anything that floats, including his rescuer, the panic-stricken lover typically tries to grab and hold the one who is attempting to escape. I have witnessed the scenario a thousand times. Supercharged emotions zip up and down a roller coaster of extremes.

Upon disclosure that the marriage is over, the first reaction is almost sure to be one of utter shock and disbelief. That is followed by weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, giving way to begging and pleading for forgiveness and restoration. When that too is rejected, a bargaining period ensues. The person promises to be a better lover, to be more considerate, to quit work or to go to work or to bring flowers more often or to have a baby or whatever is perceived to be important to the disenchanted mate. Suggestions are made that they both seek counseling assistance, but the offer is almost always declined by the one whose mind is already settled. Then when all negotiations prove futile, an angry stage is often entered, perhaps eliciting every mean and hostile thought hat the victim has harbored. A man may threaten to inflict bodily harm on his ex-lover during this phase, and sometimes succeeds in doing so. With or without violence, the hostility of this terrible ordeal is ventilated in a period of wrath, ending is physical and emotional exhaustion. Then a brief time of acceptance occurs, after which grief and sorry return like an unwelcomed visitor who so recently came to call. Finally, the cycle repeats itself on a revolving merry-go-round of misery.
It would almost seem like Dr. Dobson had first hand knowledge of my situation when he wrote that passage. I don’t think anyone could have written a passage that would more accurately describe what I began going through on November 17, 2006 when my wife Tara Lynn Scott (or Tara Ray Scott), previously Tara Lynn Stelly (or Tara Ray Stelly) and presumably soon to be back to her maiden name Tara Lynn Ray (or Tara Ray) decided to end our marriage of only 10 months.

I am 30 years old and this is the third divorce that I am starting on. You would think with so much practice that this process would get easier. But, to tell you the truth, neither of my earlier divorces even begin to compare to what I’m going through with this divorce.

This blog was started to give me a place to express myself and to tell my story to those who are interested. See my wife was also my best friend and the only person I really spoke with on a personal and intimate level for at least two years prior. I suddenly find myself without my friend or anyone I feel I can trust. But I know that I cannot simply allow my emotions to pile up. So this blog has become my outlet.

Again, taken directly from Dr. Dobson’s book:

… it is terribly destructive to one’s internal organs to hold inside all the sadness and anxiety generated during a disintegrating marriage. Everything from hypertension to ulcers and even cancer can result from unventilated stress.

I have endeavored to ensure that all of the information posted here is truthful and accurate. The information that follows will include the good, the bad and the down right ugly truth about myself, Tara, our children and our failed marriage. When I state something that is a feeling or an opinion, I will make every effort to ensure that I preface it with “I believe” or “I feel” but I will not be able to guarantee that this phrase will appear in all cases. This blog should be read as though it were a journal or internal monologue, a writing of the personal thoughts of its author.