David and Goliath: Revelation

Today's church sermon was very powerful. Pastor Jay preached on expecting BIG things for 2007. And that was right up my alley since I'm working on following my dreams once again and am truly expecting BIG things in the upcoming weeks, months and years.

He preached from Samuel and talked about David and Goliath. Near the end of the service, he talked about us facing our own Goliaths. I went to church today to be freed from a sinful grip that remains in my life and I walk out certain that I'm freed from it.

Although my past week or so has been immensely better, the month prior was probably some of the worst times I've experienced in my life. The message I got this morning BEFORE I went to church was "Be still and know that I am God." See, this is particularly relevant because until a week or two ago, I've been trying to do anything I can to get changes in my personal circumstances and they've all backfired on me. I've hurt the very people I'm trying to reach and show love to and I've done it time and time again.

At church however, as Pastor Jay was speaking about facing our Goliaths, I was lumping some of my personal problems such as my divorce in that group. But then God convicted me and showed me something I really didn't want to see. But in hindsight, I'm glad he did.

What God showed me was that I had become a Goliath to others. This stopped me dead in my tracks. And the more I began to think about it, the more I realized how true it was. If I don't turn to him (back to "be still and know that I am God" and put my situation in his hands and stop trying to change it myself), I will be knocked down and defeated.

So for me, that also means that I am my own Goliath. That means that I must focus on myself and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. I was already realizing this slowly over the past month through my counseling and coaching and books I've been reading, but today really was a wake up call that drove that home.

I really do believe that 2007 is the year of BIG things. I've had a lot of great things happening in the past week or so and there's no reason to believe that things will not continue to improve. And I am believing for miracles in many different ways.

But I have to stop trying to change others and I have to stop looking to God to change others. The changes need to happen in me. And as only the Lord knows, I need a lot of changing. I've made so many positive changes in me in the past weeks and many people around me are starting to see it and even comment on it. But even as much as I've improved, there is still so much left in me that needs further refining and improvement.

I know that the remaining changes that are needed in me will happen in the upcoming days and weeks and months and that a new improved me will emerge. I couldn't be more encouraged that the changes which have already occurred in me have been so evident to those closest to me that they are seeing them and acknowledging them without me needing to tell them about the changes or point them out. But I also know that despite how far I have come, I still have plenty of faults and a long ways to go.

I just wish that I had made these realizations much earlier. I did a lot of things that I truly regret. The more I wanted to show people that I cared and loved them, the more I lashed out and hurt them and convinced them of the opposite. My soul grieves the pain that I've caused to some that I care the most about. I wish I had a way to express in actions how truly sorry and regretful I am because I know how little the words themselves will mean. But since I don't know how to show that, I'll have to merely "be still" and I will have to know that God IS.