Saturday, December 23, 2006

Emotions: Perhaps Today Is A Good Day To Die

I sit here today, slowly dying. My identity, my soul, my heart and all that I am.

These holidays will be perhaps the worst I have ever sustained. To not be able to hear the words Merry Christmas or mail a card to the person I love is an injury I cannot describe. Legally, I could mail the card if I choose, but I will instead show the respect that I have been denied. I doubt it will be understood, realized, or appreciated, but I will none the less.

I ask myself why things are the way they are? Things could have gone so differently. Had I just been asked, just been treated with respect, I would have given just about anything, done just about anything.

And I was too much a coward to sit back and wait for the truce. Instead I fired back and destroyed any hope that might have remained. And so today, I am destroyed by my own weapons.

No doubt, a body, a blob of flesh will awaken tomorrow and breath and walk and be alive by all definitions, but I will be no longer.