From My Dear Friend From Work

After reading through the comments to the post on January 8, 2007, my dear friend at work wanted to offer some words to my readers:

To everyone here, I happen to know both Tara and the author or this blog, as I worked with both of them. I have a very close friendship with "Some Guy" and though my interactions with Tara were very seldom; I have to say that both of them were highly respected at our place of work, as they both are wonderful people.

I really feel my very dear friend “Some Guy” is currently going through a roller coaster of emotions that are very normal to someone undergoing the process of separation, in which you range from anger to sadness; from missing to hating and vice versa; which if you’ve read the entire journey becomes very obvious as you go through the different posts.

I have to say that I am proud beyond words of the way he is handling the situation, because as sad as it is for him, he is really trying to push himself forward and move on.

About him I have to say that he is a great guy; a loyal friend; a loving and caring father who is as proud as one can be of his 3 precious kids and very much (and sincerely) loves and cares for Tara’s kids as if they were his own. He is also a brilliant guy (not just smart) and very well liked amongst employees due to his very kind personality.

I understand exactly what he is going through and perfectly understand his anger and his sadness as they flow.

However, I was quite disturbed to read what some readers are posting about what they think Tara is thinking and how those comments spark the anger of other readers; the reason I find this disturbing is because Tara is a wonderful lady, who has two beautiful kids – as you can see on the pictures- and does not deserve to be portrayed as the selfish person who is capable of dumping her depressed husband on his own in the middle of a crisis; I saw them when they were just dating, they seemed so happy.

I remember when he told me he had proposed, I immediately jumped off my chair and went to Tara’s desk to see her ring, she looked at me and in a rather shy way, extended her hand to me to show me her ring with this huge, beautiful smile that brighten up her entire face. I was really excited for them!

When he came back to work everyone was stunned to know that they were no longer together, and as usual in any work place, gossip around the reasons for the split began to surface. To this day, he has not shared with anyone but me the reasons for the split or who did/said what to who; as a matter of fact, he normally addresses all inquiries with a polite, “it was my fault, but I prefer not to discuss it, if you don’t mind”; he does not share anything else, as he is not quite sure himself of the reason why he was asked to leave and he does not want anyone to vilify Tara.

I don’t know what Tara is going through or what she is thinking, but a divorce is always painful in both sides and, as in love as they once seemed to be and as highly regarded both of them are, I have to say that I honestly do not think she would be capable of such a despicable and selfish act as it is to kick her husband out just because she doesn’t want to deal with his depression for her own sake.

As emotional as these times are for all parties involved, I would challenge each of the readers to please refrain from making hateful accusations towards either one of them.

To both of you Tara and my dear friend ‘Some Guy” I wish you the best!

Thanks, I really appreciated you sending this to me and asking me to post it for my readers.

Emotions: Difficult Today

Today was a very difficult day overall. It seemed that everything I did and everywhere I looked reminded me of my wife whom I love so much and served as a reminder that I've lost her.

It started when I got up and brought my children with me to attend a Christmas musical being hosted by our local church. My wife's sister returned the check that I sent with her to my wife as a voluntary offering of support. That was the check that set in motion a string of events which eventually led to the request for a protective order that my wife filed. Just getting the check back caused an emotional reaction in me.

The Christmas musical itself left me in tears. It was comical and upbeat and I was probably the only person crying in the entire audience. My children and the people sitting next to me stared at me through the entire thing as tears poured down my face.

The theme of the music was families being together for Christmas. Of course my family will not be together. I will be separate from my wife and step-kids. After I returned home, I began to think. Now that there is a restraining order in place and I cannot even call or mail her a card and wish her a merry Christmas. Worse yet, I have gifts for her kids and my children want to call and talk to hers and I cannot even allow them to do that now. My middle son wrote a letter and was about to mail it to my wife on the same day that I received the restraining order. Now I can't allow him to send it.

After the musical, I was really feeling down and depressed and it occurred to me that this felt more like a death in the family than a relationship coming to an end. It feels like the death of a spouse and two children or at least what I could imagine that to feel like. See, I've been through two divorces before and ended relationships and none of them have affected me the way that this one has. I'm not sure why this is so different than the others. I really miss my wife and her two children. The fact that I can't even speak to them or pass by and visit is slowly killing me.

Later in the day, I was online chatting with a female friend who is also getting over a breakup and she invited me to the park to walk with her and to allow our children to play together. We walked in the park and talked a bit and then went on to eat at an Italian buffet. I accompanied her grocery shopping after that. The children seemed really enjoyed playing together. My children are really having a hard time with the loss of their step brothers and mother and I think this provided a much needed distraction for them.

After we left, my oldest son peppered me with questions about relationships and my marriage. I wonder what he was thinking but found clues when he began asking about my female friend and her son. I've been through two divorces with my children and I think he was wondering if my female friend would be my next relationship. I explained to him that sometimes adults just need friends to talk to and share experiences with and tried to explain to him that I was still married to my wife and still loved my wife and that I was not at a point in life were I would be looking for another woman to be in love with. I tried to explain it in a way that I felt he could understand.

I have found a lot of strength in my female friend. She is very determined to win her ex boyfriend back. In the process, she is losing weight and getting herself in shape. She's very bold and determined in her desires. And she encourages me in the same ways. She insists that I need to get out and exercise and get in shape and lose some weight. And I'm sure she is absolutely right about me needing to get in shape and focus on becoming happy with myself, but I fear that accomplishing that will not in turn cause me wife to be interested in me again. I mean at this point, I can't even speak with my wife or write her a letter.

Of course I had points at the park where I had to hold back my feelings. It was difficult, but I think I managed to not show the difficulties I was going through. See, when my wife and I dated, we used to take our children to the same park together to play. The children (both mine and hers) really liked that. So being in the park was a reminder to me again of how much I loved my wife and how much I missed her.