I Wish Things Had Gone Differently

Each day at least one of my children ask me about their step-brothers or step-mother. They sometimes ask if they can write a letter. They sometimes ask if they can call. My oldest son asks if we can go visit with their step-brothers.

When they ask me, they know the answer without me needing to say a word. They know the answer by my expressions. But it pains me so to not be able to give them a reason as to why they cannot.

I understand that my wife doesn't want to talk to me or see me. I've come even to accept that. I just wish that the kids could have stayed out of the anger and bitterness that ensued when this divorce started. I know its not too late for this to be salvaged and hope and pray that the children do not have to continue to suffer for the sins of their father and step-dad.

Children Fading Away

I woke this morning and as my children were inspecting gifts under the tree, one of them asked me if they were going to see their step-brothers so that they could give their gifts to them.

I immediately broke down and began to cry. I do not know how to tell them that because of the sins of their father, they will likely never see or speak to their step-brothers again. I don't know how to tell them that the woman they called mother does not care enough about them to ask how they are doing or wish them a Merry Christmas. I was silent and as tears rolled down my face, I saw my son's lips quivering. Though I've not yet told him, he knows.

And so today, I woke up dead and sadly, I fear my children are fading away too.