Amazing Day Today

I had an absolutely amazing day today overall.

The scale and diet are looking good so far. I had another person today tell me that it looked like I was losing weight. This really validated to me that my efforts are producing results (beyond just seeing a few pounds come off on the scale).

At work, I'm teaching a team of new hires (17 people of which 8 are my direct reports). I've had 3 to 4 people that are not my direct reports ask if they could be transferred to me because they really liked me as a manager. That really validated for me that I'm doing well again at work.

I picked up the Quick Quarter (local classifieds paper) and have a few leads on potential houses for rent. I'm running them down and hoping something pans out in the Lafayette or Opelousas area (a little closer than Krotz Springs). If not though, its time for me to get established and I'll go ahead and rent the place in Krotz Springs next week.

I've again completed several items on my list today. Things are starting to shape up in my preparations for a BIG 2007.

I have two women from past relationships who have been pursuing me since they found out that Tara and I split up. In fact one of them is pursuing me quite aggressively. Even though I have no interest in pursuing a relationship with them at this time, I'm absolutely flattered that they have realized what they lost and are so determined to get me back.

Someone attempted to serve papers on me today at my parents' house. Yesterday, I mentioned to my female friend at work that I felt like it was the calm before the storm and that I felt things were about to get really ugly. I even wrote in my blog that I was getting ready for the next round. I thought I'd be really shaken when the papers did finally come, but instead I was relieved and even excited to a point. Because I wasn't there, they couldn't serve me. I was so anxious to get the papers, I called the Sheriff's department to see if I could appear to be served but was informed they weren't attempting service on me. I have to assume it was a private process server and will just have to wait until tomorrow.

Don't get me wrong, its not that I like what is going on, I'm just anxious for it to be over with. I'm ready to move on with my life and even though my wife says she wants nothing to do with me she is doing everything in her power to slow this down and drag it through court battles and force herself to face me over and over again when we could easily work out the details via e-mail or over the phone and execute an agreement and be done with it.

Finally, I just can't say how much I appreciate every one's support. I have so many friends at work that are so disappointed in the way things turned out between me and Tara and are showing so much sympathy and support towards me. I am getting more and more e-mails every day from people who passed by this blog who are praying and supporting me. And I really appreciate that. It has helped me so much in beginning down this path.

Well, I'm off to write for my other blogs. Thanks everyone for your support and kind wishes. They've been more helpful to me than you could ever imagine. Please keep the e-mails and comments coming (you can e-mail me by clicking profile). If you've linked to my blog, please e-mail me so that I can put up a link to your blog here.

Thanks

I continue to be amazed at how many people are stopping by and following my story. Yesterday was a record with over 70 different people stopping by. I installed a counter on the right side that shows how many unique or different people visit each day as well as how many total pages are viewed. I appreciate all of the e-mails and comments that you've been sending. It has really been encouraging to me.

I spent the weekend writing more than 50 new posts for a couple of new blogs that I'm working on. I will be starting 2 more blogs this week which means I'll be actively writing for 5 blogs in total, this 1 and 4 new ones. It's going to be quite a task keeping up with that many blogs, but I'm certain that I can do it.

Well, my kids are back to school today. I'm missing my step-children and wonder what they will do with their last week out of school (they don't go back until next week).

Dinner with my friend and her mom on New Year's Eve and the big lunch I had with my family didn't help my diet any, but it didn't set me back too far. I've started exercising to a Weight Watchers DVD I have so no doubt I'll be on track this week to continue losing weight. My belt is on its last notch (added to task list: get a new belt) and my pants are already getting loose so I'm already starting to feel the difference (it isn't quite visible yet). I couldn't be more excited.

This post will be short because I have some errands to run before I go to work. I have to pass by Krotz Springs and do a number of other things. I've already knocked a couple of items off my task list this morning and can't wait to see what this week holds.

Star Wars, Counselors and Apartments

Today is off to a slower start than yesterday, but I've already knocked a few items off of my list.
The one area I'm not having any success in is apartment hunting. Everything in Lafayette and surrounding areas is booked solid. Even places I'm trying further out like Opelousas either have waiting lists or no openings and don't maintain waiting lists. It is looking more and more like I may end up back in Krotz Springs. That's going to be a difficult thing, particularly since I'm sure it will be completely misinterpreted by my wife.

Because I'm having such a good week, I've decided not to schedule a counseling appointment this week (will be the first week I've not seen my counselor since my separation). I'm also not going to schedule time with Mort. At $300/hr, I just can't afford to keep doing this.

This leaves me with no outlet for my thoughts so I would expect activity at this blog will pick up in the upcoming days and weeks. I am also starting two additional blogs to detail other aspects of things I am going through. I think I would really prefer to share my thoughts with someone in person, but for the past couple of years, my wife was really the only person I spoke with. Since I don't have that anymore, I opt for these blogs as my outlet to express my emotions and vent now and then.

The only real difficulty I encountered this morning was when my oldest son asked me again when he could play Star Wars with his step-brother. I just told him I don't know. I really wish I had not told him that Tara Lynn Ray or Tara Ray or Tara Lynn Stelly or Tara Ray Stelly or Tara Stelly or Tara Lynn Scott or Tara Ray Scott or Tara Scott said it would be okay for him to play with his step-brother sometimes.

Progress Today

This afternoon was a very productive day for me. At my job, they have not yet been able to provide me with logins so I don't have access to a computer, e-mail or otherwise. I've been helping where I can, but what I can do is very limited since all of the work there is computer based.

I have an unusual memory where I can remember certain types of information and things I've read with amazing accuracy and detail for years and even decades to come. I could literally quote back paragraphs from important texts I've read 10 years ago and would do so with 90 - 95% of the original wording in tact and precise. So people assume I'm incredibly intelligent. I heard the phrases "smartest manager" and "he knows everything" and "if he doesn't know, no one will" at least a dozen times today (without exaggeration).

But I have a really hard time remembering certain other types of information such as things I need to do and places I need to go. In that regards, I could literally be told to do something every day and forget to do it 100 days in a row. This side of me can be really frustrating to others and you'd think I was mentally challenged. In fact, this was a thorn in my relationship because the very first thing that went wrong that I'm aware of was me legitimately forgetting to do something and my wife interpreted it as though I was avoiding doing it. I really had no objections whatsoever to doing what she was asking, I just struggled to remember to do it in a time and manner when I was actually able to get it done (I would be reminded and remember all the time when I was not in a position to actually do it).

So to counter this, at least to some degree, I keep a task list. In the past, it would not be uncommon for the list to have 50 - 70 items on it pretty steadily. It was typical for me to complete 5 - 10 per day and work on an additional 5 or so. Some of the items on the list are dependant on the completion of other items and simply cannot be started or done until another item is completed. Some other items on the list are future dated and cannot be started until some time in the future. Some other items can be started but then have to wait on someone else before they can be finished and I have no direct control over the time it takes to complete those tasks.

And its not uncommon for me to add 5 - 10 items per day to the list. The items on the list can range from the very simple (like updating an address with a creditor) to very complex items that take months to complete (I often try to break these out in a series of tasks, but that's not always reasonable). So the list is never done. It's literally a living thing. This is what keeps me going.

The item that was so important to my wife was on my list back then. But at work we stayed so busy that I could not work on the list while I was at work. And that particular task had to be done at work. I remembered it needed to be done at least 3 - 5 times per day, but never would remember when I was in a position to actually do it. So she thought it wasn't important to me. In hindsight, if I had it to do over again, I'd of found a way, somehow to get it done. I'm not sure exactly how I'd of accomplished that but I would. I never meant to give my wife the impression that it wasn't important to me. It's just a flaw that is inherent in me and I tried to make her aware of that before we married.

After I got married, many of my dreams were incompatible with things my wife had expressed. I wanted to adjust them and blend them into her dreams, but I could never figure out what exactly it was that she dreamed. And I ended up stagnant and abandoned my list pretty early on. I should have never disrespected myself in that way. And now, looking back, I can't blame her for kicking my sorry butt out. I can't imagine how absolutely unattractive it must have been, being married to someone who was dead in the water. I think one of the things that she was attracted to was my ambitions.

But I can't keep disrespecting myself this way. So I got back on track this week. I started working on some old dreams and some new ones as well. My list really ballooned today to a total of 107 items. But because I have virtually no access to systems at work, I tried to help reps on the floor and between those interactions, I worked on my list. I'm so proud of myself because I managed to complete 55 items from the list. Of the 52 that remain, I started on 8 of them. Several of the items in the list are waiting on other people or events and/or cannot be started until some future date or time.

But none the less, I feel like I conquered the world today. I have people looking up to me. I already have people talking about wanting to go into business with me. I'm seeing more and more of the old Scott and I'm liking that. And being busy helps me to keep my mind off of other things that are going on right now. I'm sure my wife is experiencing some relief that I've not written or called or tried to get in touch with her. And I'm sure she needs that so she can be strong about moving on.

I'm absolutely looking forward to tomorrow. I found copies of the old list that I maintained before I stopped keeping a list. I will go through it and may integrate some of those items or variants into the new list. No doubt it will go up by a lot of items again tomorrow. I'm sure I will be able to knock a pretty good number out, but I doubt it will be anywhere near the 55 that I completed today. A lot of the items remaining simply will take time and so the quantity of items on the list is not necessarily an indicator of a lack of progress.

And afterwards tomorrow, I'll be going out to play pool and have drinks and do who knows what else afterwards. Saturday I'll be able to make my first ever live no limit texas hold'em game. I'm glad to be able to hold my head up high and respect myself. I just wish I'd of realized how bottom I had hit and done something about it before I hurt the people I cared about, namely my wife and her kids and my kids.

Dr. Smalley suggests that I should thank Tara for having the courage and taking the difficult steps to take such a drastic measure as to throw me out. At first I thought he was nuts, but I'm starting to think he's right. I doubt I'll ever get to tell her that, but none the less there seams to be some wisdom to what he says.