Won My First Game

Well, I played my first live no limit texas hold'em game tonight.

I really enjoy No Limit Texas Hold'em. I've study the game at length and believe that with a bit of practice, I could be a very solid player. I'm not talking about a pipe dream of playing a few games and then being a pro. I have spent hundreds of hours studying the game and learning to calculate odds, etc. Far more effort probably than most people who "dream" of making it at poker will ever put in.

Before I got married, I told my wife about my dream of being a poker player. I told her how I had studied and how I probably would never be a champion but thought I could do good with local tournaments and an occassional casino game. I explained the risks and told her how I had turned $25 into hundreds of dollars playing online and how I consistently won and used statistical analysis software to track my hands and keep track of whether I was winning or losing. I explained to her how I would never risk a dime more than the $25 I had already put in and asked for her blessings and acceptance of this dream.

After we married, she took issue with my playing. It wasn't because she thought it was wrong to play, it was because it took away from time I could have been spending with her. I pretty much gave the game up right then and there with only an occasional and brief play after that. And she was right, I played the game way too much. I never resented giving up the online playing, but still wanted to make a poker night every once in a while. I kept getting invited to games but could never get freed up to go.

Recently however, a new law was enacted that makes it illegal for banks to transfer money to and from these online poker sites and so I have not played online since.

I went and played a live game tonight for the first time ever. I will need a good bit of practice to get good at it. Playing with live people is a lot different then playing online. But that said, I pretty much had a read on the other players within the first few hands and did very well. In fact I won the game. I am proud of myself since two of the players were very experienced. One of them hosts a 27 seat tournament once per month. The other one hosts a near weekly game.

I was really pleased to get the chance to get out and play. I can't wait to play again.

Legal: Victory or Loss?

We had our day in court today for my wife’s application for a protective order. Even though I won across the board, for some reason I feel like I lost.

My wife, Tara Scott or Tara Lynn Scott or Tara Ray Scott or Tara Stelly or Tara Lynn Stelly or Tara Ray Stelly or Tara Ray or Tara Lynn Ray was absolutely stunning and beautiful today. I wish I could have told her that. I suppose I know that she really doesn’t care what I think about her, but it doesn’t change how I felt when I saw her.

When we were called, we went to the hearing officer and my wife said her piece. I made a brief response that I took issue with some of the particulars of the allegations and did not think my wife had alleged anything against me that warranted a court order to prevent abuse. I told the hearing officer that if my wife did not want contact with me that I would respect that but that I felt a court order was not necessary.

The hearing officer spoke with my wife a bit and ultimately decided that she would dismiss the suit because my wife had failed to prove that I had ever acted violently or was a threat of harm to her or her children.

Despite the fact that I won, I feel like I lost.

By winning, I believe that I only made my wife that much more angry at me. It’s really sad because the request for a protective order was so unnecessary. There’s not been once that I’ve ever laid a finger on my wife in anger or threatened to do harm to her or even acted in such a way that might lead a reasonable person to believe that I would become violent.

After the initial explosions of emotion during the actual separation, I really hoped that we could separate peacefully. My wife probably doesn’t feel that way, but I invested so much into this marriage and into our relationship. I accepted her children as if they were my own. I got a position at my employer that I waited for 3 years to get and two months later gave it up for her family. I gave up an extremely attractive pension plan and lost everything in it for her family. And I would do it all over again.

My wife has plenty of reasons to be angry and disappointed. My responses after our separation were inexcusable. I let my emotions and hurt and anger guide me and did harm that I will probably never be able to undo.

But I had such higher hopes. I believed so much in her. Even as she was giving up the relationship, I just knew that things would turn and we would at least separate peacefully.

I suppose much like the petition for the protective order signified that all hope has been lost; I suppose my victory today signifies the loss of any chance that we can resolve this thing peacefully. And so I march into battle, weary and tired, ready to fall on my own sword just to avoid the fights that loom. What I wouldn’t give for a truce to be called.